If you are seeking a Assitant Program Coordinator, then we should talk. My ambition of the mental health field is outstanding. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from California State University Dominguez Hills. In my previous work experience, I have worked as a case manager in a domestic violence shelter and a counselor in a residential treatment facility. Your organization has an outstanding reputation and I would enjoy working for your organization.
I believe that my enclosed resume will demonstrate that I have the characteristics and experience you seek. I have learned that hard work is the key to a good life. I would like to help your organization in achieving its goals by integrating my knowledge and skills that is enclosed in my resume.
I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you about my qualifications and goals and how they would strengthen your commitment to your clients. I may be reached at (562) 391-6339 anytime after 9:00 a.m. Thank you for your time and consideration and hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
Answer by Grandma6
Your first paragraph needs to be re-worked.
"If you are seeking a Assistant..." An should be used before a noun starting with a vowel.
"My ambition of the mental health field is outstanding." I have no idea what that even means.
"In my previous work experience (no comma necessary)..."
Everything else looks pretty good.
Good luck in your job hunt.
Answer by Ann
although confidence is a good thing you dont want to make it seem like YOU are the answer to all their prayers. "I would like to help your organization in achieving its goals by integrating my knowledge and skills that is enclosed in my resume." - this sounds too cocky like they havent achieved their goals and wont until you come along, also it should say "are" in my resume, not is. The beggining part about , we should talk, should come out too because some people may find your forward attitude obnoxious (not that i do so no offense). Maybe you can simplify just by stating you are a highly motivated individual looking to further your knowledge and experience in the mental health care field.
I wouldnt say " I welcome the opportunity" I would say " I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you...."
I would also reword "In my previous work experience, I have worked as a case manager " to "I have previosuly worked as a case manager...."
I would remove "I have learned that hard work is the key to a good life" only because statistically employers do not like personal opinions and/or thoughts in their resume/cover. I would try to shorten your letter just a tad also because they recieve large amounts of resumes and may toss it if it takes to long to read.
You may want to reword "Your organization has an outstanding reputation and I would enjoy working for your organization." because the use of organization twice sounds funny.
and lastly i wouldnt put you are available anytime after 9:00, nor would i put your phone number on the cover, its already on your resume.
good luck!
Orignal From: What do you think of my cover letter? Does this sound good for an employer? i need some feedback.?
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