Would like advice for my mental health..? Do I have a mental disorder?Kay. So I'm fourteen years old (turning fifteen in a few months) and I have had a pretty traumatic childhood. Been depressed for.. approx 4 years now. I have self-injured for 3 years. Rarely do it now as I am trying to stop. (By rarely I mean a few times a month depending on my stress level).
For the past year or so, I have had this numb, empty feeling inside of me. Recently, I have been getting these "Panic attacks". I will start hyperventilating and sobbing, I get dizzy and feel like I'm losing control of my muscles, i start shaking and sweating too. The panic attacks really freak me out. :S
So I managed to get the courage to tell mum about it.. and she said things like "Shut up, I don't want to hear it. Just be normal" This hurt me a lot. :/ My dad is a psychiatrist but he doesn't see I have a problem, and he is wound up in his problems to care about mine anyway. I extremely dislike my father, He has hurt and betrayed me so many time that I do not trust him anyway. My friends persuaded me to see the school councillor. I am horribly afraid of councillors and talking about my feelings so I basically avoided talking about my problems and talked about my friends (who was there with us). I don't think I will be able to tell the councillor my problems.. But I will try.
Anyway. To the point... I will list some things about my mental health and how I cope with stuff.
- I have started to avoid social situations, like being with my friends or going to school.
- Over the years, my confidence has deteriorated. And I'm become much more reclusive. I spent the school holidays (2 months approx) in my room in the dark.
- As noted before, I can't talk about myself in real life. I usually hide behind the internet.
- The empty feeling is still there, I'm still numb most of the time. If i'm not numb, I'm upset.
- Other people mean much more to me than I do. And the idea of me losing people/upsetting them makes me freak out.
- I'm an only child and my parents are quite neglectful of me. Can go for a week or so without communicating with me.
- I can't get over things easily. I had a boyfriend who helped me through my depression and I loved him. I still do. And it's been 1 and a half years since he broke up with me.
- I often fantasize about me killing myself or having a terminal illness.
- Even if people tell me they love me, I don't think they do.
- If people say something even slightly insulting to me, I take offence.
- I never feel like I am good enough.
- I was molested at 11 years old, and now I'm afraid of most men.
- I've lost all my goals and am not motivated to do anything.
- I never know how to make up my mind and I usually just get someone else to do it for me.
- Also, I agree with other people, even if their wrong. Just to avoid any confrontation. Like i said, I have a hard time saying what I feel.
- I always fear that I will be rejected.
- I hate myself. Wait.. Loathe is a much better word. Haha.
- I blame myself for everything, even if its not my fault.
So yeah. I can't really see a therapist. Mums in denial, Dad doesn't care. I don't have the money. And yeah. I'm sick of feeling this way, every day feels like living hell. Mostly it's the panic attacks that have me worried. I've never had them before. And since I've been getting them, I've been constantly jumpy and on edge. Which isn't normal for me.
Any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated. Please, no mean or hurtful comments. I just wanna be happy again. :/
sorry for such a long question D:
Dad has Narcissitic personality disorder. Basically means he's a selfish prick. Told him on many occassions that I want help. He just brushed me off and said I don't need it.
Both my parents know. They don't do anything about it. I have no other family. They all live in a different country. My friends mum however wanted to take me to the doctor herself, I don't know if thats legal. Aren't you supposed to have parental consent?
Answer by kytteneyes
if you can't talk to your parents nor the counselor maybe your aunt or uncle. if not have a friend talk to the counselor for you. some how some way you have to be heard. this is serious. Your dad should know. I mean once he has been notified by a grown up. If not make up an excuse to see the doctor like your stomach hurts or something like that then when they take you tell him/her. They will tell your parents that you have an issue going on and will need to address it then. Please get help.
Answer by Vicky Wong
What you need is to find new friends, mix around with some church or others society groups. Attend activities or services. Practise some sports, try to go and learn some thing like guitar, piano, modern dance or any thing that you like. Keep you body moving with many activities this will help your mind.
When you are at home take some recipes and bake some thing interesting, nice and give to your parents. Try to serve them in many others ways.Try to help in house work, keep busy. Do not stay in the dark room go to sun light. We need to try the other way around... not wait to receive love, care etc. give love to your parents they will be surprise and will start to respond to you better. Try and do not give up. Still a long way to go in life. Pray, sing, keep active. Do not let the negative things take over you.
Answer by Davinder
Let me start off by saying it's a good thing you self harm less because i self harm everyday and it's really hard to stop......it's not easy talking to someone like a counselor and if you don't want t no-one should force you but like you said you could try.......you shouldn't fantasize about killing yourself because i am sure there are plenty of people that care about you and want you safe........ why are you scared that people will reject you??.....i'm sure your a nice and caring person and anyone who can't see that is a shallow a*s hole........you could go to your GP and seek some help...... i can't say i know exactly how you feel but i have severe depression and know it's ont easy to live with so feel free to e-mail me if you just want someone who you can trust to talk to.....
Hope this helped............ :)
Answer by MeAgain
You have so much you need to work on. My mother has Narcissistic personality disorder so I understand that part of what you are going through.
I suggest that you let your friends mum try and help you. She will be able to find out if you can get mental health help without parental consent. Every country has different rules about this.
If you have found someone who is willing to be on your side and show you the affection and care you deserve, then let this woman help you. You are very lucky to have found her.
Answer by Pamela
I won't go into the details, but your upbringing sounds exactly like mine. My Dad also had paranoia and Bipolar, so he threatened to kill me if I told anyone or ran away. Nothing must blemish his reputation. My parents eventually divorced and I loved living with my newly emancipated mom.
This will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but I would call child protective services or the health and human services people (I don't know what country you're in) and tell them everything you've written down here. Even if you have to read it. Tell them you're nervous but that your life is intolerable. Then ask them if your friend's mother can drive you to them and then have them take you to the doctor. You can't live at your friend's house but maybe you can call cps from there. You may be temporarily put in foster care while cps develops plans for each of your parents so that they will have to learn and understand how to be decent parents in order to get you back and get you decent counseling and medication. It may be for a week or two (you would attend the same school), or it might be longer. You won't get in trouble for reporting them. You have rights, even though a minor. Maybe cps will help your friend's mom learn how to become a foster mom, for you, or if your parents split up or something, maybe she could adopt you. If ANYTHING bad happens to you, either from your parents, or while in foster care, have an emergency number or person at cps to call.
This is a big step in your life. Ask your friend and her mother to help you. Realize that neither of your parents is there for you, and they additionally are harming you. You have to save yourself, and avoid the hells and horrors that will plague you living with them.
Bless you and keep you.
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Would like advice for my mental health..? Do I have a mental disorder?
