I was eventually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and given new medication, it seemed to work for say, a couple of months? Until now.
Lately I have been seeing things, like I looked at my reflection and it distorted in front of my very eyes and turned into another persons face, it was creepy and I ran out of the room. The person was frowning at me yet grinning at the same time. Also I have been seeing shadows and figures in the corner of my eyes for split seconds, and every-time I look in the mirror I see somebody stood behind me for a split second and when I turn around in shock nobody will be there.
I feel as though I am not in control of my own body and someone else is pulling the strings, not me, and that I am just a puppet, watching the world as an outsider, I feel empty and paranoid, every time I go outside I feel that everyone is watching me and that somebody is pointing a gun at me, and I keep thinking my mum is trying to get me put into hospital and that people are against me, I don't think my food is poisoned but whenever somebody other than my mum goes near it I get scared somebody has done something to it, I have a toy snake from the museum that I got when a kid and I feel like it is looking at me, and anything with a picture of eyes is staring at me, and when I cross the road I feel like people are trying to run me over, I also keep getting scared the world is going to end or I am going to get cancer and die. And I desperately get the urge to run away, a few days ago, I got so frustrated that I blamed myself and wanted to cut myself to release the frustration because I don't like blaming other people, I blame myself for everything.
I wrote all this down to tell my Psychiatrist, but then changed my mind, I can't tell her this, the last thing I want to do is end up back in hospital, I also keep rocking back and forward and getting anxious, does it sound like I am going through a Psychotic episode again? And if I tell her will I end up back in hospital? Please tell me the truth because I would rather die then go back to hospital! Thanks.
I forgot to mention, I keep thinking there are people in my head, I see their faces in the darkness of my eyelids when I close my eyes, and my thoughts keep racing round and round and I keep getting lots of energy and not needing to sleep, like I'm on a mission, like I need to do something, but I don't know what, I keep getting hot and flustered and sweating and my heart is racing all the time, also I see atleast one ghost everynight, not clearly, but in the corner of my eyes or in windows.
Before Hospital, and nothing really, I just hated it there, I have severe seperation anxiety and being away from my Mum nearly forced me to go insane.
Answer by Cristley
You need to go to the hospital again. Trust me. If you wanted to harm yourself that's not good. The stay at the hospital won't be long I promise, but if you stay this wya you are at a risk of self harm
If you sont want to do it for yourself do it for others, no one wants to see you scared shitless all the time and you can't have fun with your life either.
Answer by stacy
i dont know your religion but if you are a christan the first step i would say is pray and i will pray for you myself:) i know life is hard and i dont know anything about mental hospitals or anything i just feel like you need someone nice to gve you a helping hand. i read your story and i couldnt imagine the fear of waking up everyday! i thnk that it you tell your doc whats goin on she mite send you back to the hospital but i would first see a regular doc like the kind at a regualr hospital and tell them the kinds of meds your on and see if there are side affects or maybe they can up your dose or switch your perscriptions but you need help and it sounds like you are going through another episode so telling your doc would be the best options bc keeping it in and not getting help will only harn you im begging you to tell your doc your life may depend on this i wish you all the luck in the world and i hope that you can get the help you need! god bless you:)
Answer by Jen
I am no Doctor but I do think you should get off the med's and also get another opinion from a professional of course. I am very close to someone who cuts herself and there are many reasons for that; one being that she suffers from D.I.D (which is also referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder).
There are great professionals out there, finding them is the challenge but I assure you with the right help and proper diagnosis you can live a healthy life. You can stop feeling like this as I know its horrible; this I know first hand as I live with someone who suffers from DID and PTSD among other countless things.
I TOTALLY understand the fear of being in the hospital, as I had to remove this woman that I speak of from an environment which is so horrible that no one would believe me. These mental health institutions are so state of the art but truthfully they are just glorified "one flew above the cuckoo's nest" institutions! The nurses are absolutely disgraceful, not all but definitely the greater majority and maybe it's because they have grown thick skin but maybe it's also because they lack empathy? All I know is what I have seen year after year, visit after visit. When those Doctor's enter the floor, its golden in there but as soon as that white coat leaves; they are inhumane, disrespectful and very aggressive! Shame on them and I feel so sorry for the patients because most staff are backed by the Mental Health Act; who would ever believe someone who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder? You can put as many complaints and letters in but in the end; no one will take your word seriously and it's a shame as these people; even in this day of age are literally assaulted every day or their lives whether its physical or verbal.
Anyways...in short I understand your fear of going back to one of these places but I assure you that there are other alternatives and great professional help waiting for you. Do not be scared, be strong and help yourself; you deserve it ;)
Answer by drluvbug
the secret society is using u nazi style for research. there are may things they want kept secret like their extensive acid dosing. you may have abilities that they can use. u need to take seraquel and / or trazedone because this keeps your trips mild and blocks alot. you might have moral, scientific, mathematical, verbal skills that threatens their pocketbooks. their members are big oil, big pharmaceutical, big architectural, religious clergy, government, media,communications, electronics, utilities, etc. the people work together to discredit you among your famiy,peers, coworkers. church. they worked hard to get their money so they will kep u from getting it.
Answer by Maquiavelic
When did you start having all these visions? Before or after the mental hospital? Why was it such a bad experience being there? The regular stuff or was something else going on?
Btw, BPD doesn't make you see things, etc. If you can't sleep maybe it's related to Bipolar disorder, which can have psychotic, paranoid episodes. There's also schizophrenia.
You really need to talk to someone you trust because the proper drugs can make a big difference in your life. However, while you decide what to do I'd strongly recommend searching for some alternative medicine type of help. Try acupuncture, talk to people with other point of views and see what they say. Either way do not stay unattended.
Good luck.
Orignal From: Mental Health Question? Very Important, Please Read?
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