how do I know whether I am suffering PTSD? I always feel unreal and unworthy and have constant panic attacks?I was diagnosed with major depression in 2000 and borderline personality disorder but several therapists have said they don't think I have this disorder. Therapy has been sporadic due to therapists moving on or not being able to afford it privately. Late last yr I was given public funding to see a private psychologist & just as I am making progress they are cutting that too possibly due to a crisis nurse who had forced me to go to public hospital to be rehydrated and told a nurse private information about me and defamated my character in front of other nurses and the public. They are now withholding my notes so i dont have proof and are treating me with ongoing disrepsect. In dec I became suicidal and rang up a crisis hotline asking for help, the police came, spoke to my local crisis team and then mocked me, leaving with the knowledge I was highly suicidal and consequently acted, waking up in ED they just chucked me in a wheelchair as my left foot was totally numb and left me in the ed waiting area. I called an ambulance then next night and was left for over 6hrs b4 being discharged to my GP. They ordered me off the premises while I was trying to organise a lift home, then up at the top hospital a security guard came up and asked me to leave. I was not doing anything dispruptive, just waiting for the duty manager who had said she would be down to see me and didn't bother phoning me to tell me she wasn't coming down then asked again to my humiliation to leave by a security officer. I now get really shaky, sweaty and on edge every time I have an appointment I have to go to at that hospital. Last time I took a health advocate with me. I'm wondering if I am suffering PTSD as just the thought of an upcoming appointment there is bringing on the same symptoms. I have no support from my community mental health team except a ph call from the keyworker I was assigned once a week which never lasts more than 2mins max. I feel like I am living on the edge all the time, and that my father got away with physically, verbally emotionally and psychologically abusing me and one of my brothers as well as violently abusing my Mum throughout my childhood and young adulthood. I just feel soooo lost and am always on the verge of tears, and feel like no-one really cares.:O( I also have a history of being bullied by my family, then my workmates now my mental health team and they are telling me I have had heaps of mental health input over the years which is not true, and was totally invalidated when in my latest crisis the crisis nurse totally negated my physical injuries got a 2nd degree burn to my foot in hospital (DRS fault!), and other foot totally numb from 4th dec, 2009 (which were only recent ones) citing that others cope.....and that all I do is complain..... because when I was new to the service I made a complaint about the psychologist from the local mental health team as she called me a coward, told me all her own problems and told me I was stupid for crying over having to put my 16yr old cat down, and did not tell me I had borderline personality disorder which was told to me during a mediation.......I have had enough of feeling like I am worthless and walking around and round in circles...........HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Answer by Mary
I cannot tell from your description if it sounds like PTSD. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with the nursing and hospital care. Depression and anxiety disorders can have similar symptoms. I have PTSD. My most noticeable symptoms that differ from depression are flashbacks and full on panic and terror when I am triggered.
Example: Someone held me down by the face while trying to choke me more than 20 years ago. Now, I can't go to the dentist without feeling like my life is in immediate danger. There is an auto response I get that turns on all my adrenaline. My brain is basically screaming to run and fight or I will die, even though the rational side of my brain is working just fine. I know I am not in danger, yet the reaction continues. I cannot stop the reaction, it just happens and is beyond my control.
When I get a flashback, I physically react exactly like I did when someone attacked me. I just don't realize I am doing it until it is over. There is no decision making process, it is like my body is on auto-pilot. It is very strange and usually embarrassing.
Basically, I have had to learn to live with the symptoms. I've been to therapy and I've been on medication. They both help to an extent, but it comes down to being able to live with and work around my own symptoms. I have to be sedated for a couple of things in order to make it through it, such as dentist visits. I've been dealing with it for well over half my life, so I might as well just work with it. There is no cure, and I am not going to sit around letting my life pass me by waiting for one. The doctors and nurses can only do so much. If it is depression or an anxiety disorder does not really matter much in the long term, the treatments and medications are pretty much the same.
I guess what I am saying is that it is you that has to take control of the situation. No doctor or therapist can fix it for you, they can only help you along the path of you learning to live with your disorder. Take on the responsibility of it and you will find a way to feel better a lot faster.
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how do I know whether I am suffering PTSD? I always feel unreal and unworthy and have constant panic attacks?
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