My life has become cynical and jaded. I really hate people and feel as though our society is a bunch of self absorbed b*stards. I just don't even want to live in this kind of world anymore. I get irritated easily because I find most people to be inconsiderate, rude, and stupid.
A little background as to why I'm so upset? Well..in this month alone I lost my job, my car blew up, and because of both, I"m also now late on my rent, I got a ticket for no insurance in the car that I no longer own and don't carry insurance on, but according to this stupid, f**ked up state I live in, I'm still supposed to carry insurance even though I can't drive the damn car, so because of that, I also now have a surcharge on my license for the next 3 years, I'm in college full time and the stress of that alone is killing me. I'm trying to do hospital rotations with no car, so using public transition is costing me money I dont have, as well as eating up almost all my day. To top it all off, I'm a transsexual. People just want to hate me for NO reason, without even getting to KNOW me, just because of their assumptions of who and what I am.
I really just am at my wit's end here. I've lost any hope or inspiration, and I'm tired of hearing "things will get better". NO they WON'T. They haven't so far. So far things just keep getting worse, and I'm too the point that I can't take anymore things getting worse.
*edit* That first paragraph should be "cookie cutter" not "cutter cutter"
Yeah I'm in college. I'm in a REALLY hard major though, medical technology. It's almost like being in med school with all the stuff we have to learn! Plus, it leaves me broke all the time, and I'm really starting to resent my tuition going up to pay for things like new lights on our baseball stadium or box seating at the football games, while I'm stuck using lab equipment from the 1970's. Or seeing tanned gym bunnies hanging out at the river who make the Dean's list, while I'm grateful to pull a C from my professor.
Answer by Misty
You're a prisoner in your own mind my friend.....
Answer by Wadey Wade
Okay your life sucks, but people tell you things will get better becuase things usually do get better, dont give up, your in college arent you going to graduate soon and start a new chapter in your life?
[EDIT] Listen to some advice your getting here, its good. Try to be more positive.
Answer by Jaguaress
I'm sorry that life is so hard for you right now. What you've described sucks in a huge way. I do understand becoming jaded about mental health "professionals," but can only say to keep trying until you find a good one.
What I would recommend is sitting down and writing what your current challenges are. Then brainstorm to find solutions to those problems. For instance, because your car blew up, you've already found the solution of public transportation. Maybe if you write out a list, it will help you feel more in control over what's happening.
You should see what local resources there are to help you. I know that my county has a van that carpools people in need, and there are local social services to help with emergency rent money/food money, et cetera. If you're a member of a church, absolutely ask someone if they help out people, as many do. (Many help out non-members as well.) There are usually local food banks that help in times of need as well, and if that bothers you to take from them, just commit to donate to them once things straighten out for you.
A bigger resource should be your college. Maybe they have emergency funds, or at least someone to point you in the right direction. I would be surprised if they don't have someone to help students that need assistance. Also, if you haven't, definitely see about financial aid, because if you needed, you may be able to even get a loan for living expenses. I know that's not ideal, but at least you wouldn't be starving and could pay for the bus, and then you would pay it back after you graduate.
As for the surcharge on the license crap, I'd see if there were some provision or something to have that removed. Maybe writing local county commissioners, or the mayor, or something might get you answers. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one, though, because typically municipalities like their surcharges and won't budge. That does suck, though.
Where your being a transsexual, I have no advice about that, other than to remain strong. People can be mean, and rude, and if people are hating you without getting to know you, they're idiots. I know that doesn't make it better, but it's true. You're in college, and you'll find that once you get out of that strange world, you can make your life be what you want it to be by surrounding yourself with people who do like you for who you are. I will say that if you're walking around giving off the vibe that you think all people are self-absorbed b's, that you might be doing a bit of self-sabotage there in meeting nice people. Do some soul searching to find a better place, and some hope about people, and then maybe you'll meet people worthy of your time. (Bear in mind that many people never speak to their college classmates again after graduation, while some make lifelong friendships. I was in the former group.)
Again, I'm really sorry you're going through all of what you wrote. It sounds like you might not have family support to help you, so I do wish you luck. Sometimes all we can do is keep on keeping on, even if it doesn't look like its going to end anytime soon.
Answer by Where Boys Fear To Tread
"I really just am at my wit's end here. I've lost any hope or inspiration, and I'm tired of hearing "things will get better". NO they WON'T. They haven't so far. So far things just keep getting worse, and I'm too the point that I can't take anymore things getting worse."
Nothings changing because your not OPEN to the idea of change, which you made very clear in that paragraph. You've completely cut yourself off from the idea because you have let external situations completely rule over your emotions. Your whole perception of life sucking, is actually just a chain of thoughts you have been thinking all the way up until this time based in the belief of "good things and bad things". If you go about your life with the view that everything sucks and nothings going to get better, that is the life you are creating for yourself from the inside out. You have to first put your attention on seeing good to actually recognize it when it comes. If your only open to seeing bad, which you have consciously choosen through your belief, that's all you WILL SEE. You cannot see good when you are focused on the bad, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. It is the way life works. There are no contradictions in this universe, you get what you ask for first through THOUGHT. Don't get mad because you think I'm blaming you for your lost job or blown up car, but take a sit back and try to understand these obstacles coming to you in your life. Try to understand WHY you are having them. The only way is to turn your attention on the inside, no outside source can give you an answer. Observe your thoughts and emotions you have in relation to them. Then make it a goal to turn your perception of these "bad things" into GOOD THINGS, things that are only helping you grow and become even a stronger person. Then you will see that they don't really have any true power over you other than what you are allowing to.
Its ok if its hard for you to look at it that way right now, go at the pace that is only right for you. The important thing is that you WANT to change. You will actually be THANKFUL for all life throws your way and excited to see how you can find ways through it.
Right now you are dependent on external things to determine your happiness, as are alot of people. You need to first be happy unto yourself, regardless of whats going on "out there". NOTHING can ever take your peace of mind away and you will be able to tackle everything in your life easily and smoothly, without ever another care in the world.
I hope you see what I'm talking about. If you don't though, I will not take it personally, for I know from personal experience it is very hard t see good when your mind is still focused on being "hopeless". Go at the pace that is right for you. The first and most important step to change is for you to first be OPEN to changing.
Orignal From: Help with suicidal thoughts?
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