The following are actual signs and notices seen across the United States.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $ 10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In Downtown Colorado there's a yoga place called "Kripalu"
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The church section:
Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
"The most powerfull position is on your knees."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
"Low Self-Esteem Meeting" Thursday. Use rear doors.
and my personal favorite:
Morning Sermon--Jesus Walks on Water. Evening Sermon--Searching for Jesus.
Please feel free to browse my other questions, I post jokes all the time.
@Dawna's On The Crazy Train
thank you very very much for sharing
Now I can never eat barbecued children wings without thinking of pee.
Answer by Tephanie
Not realy...but in my town there are these signs that say "share the road" and they have a picture of a tractor on them. I want one soo bad!...for my room.
Answer by Ehnkidu
LOL awesome, i'm gonna have to pass those on!
Answer by moo.hampshire
i saw a church in Mass that had a sign in the parking lot that said simply
"put hay in rear"
...didn't stick around for an explanation
Answer by phoenixoftaliskertomcat
all the water in the pool has been passed by the management
Answer by kyle
haha...thanks for the laughs...
Orignal From: Mental Health: Ever see a stupid sign? (joke)?
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