I'm sixteen, and I have terrible self esteem. I suffer from anxiety, depression, and a milder version of gender identity disorder as far as I can tell. The depression and anxiety are treated, but I have not been officially diagnosed with GID. My therapist doesn't think its necessary to diagnose me as such to treat it, because I have a phobia of needles and won't be requesting hormone therapy.
So I feel undeserving.
In the past, I have had problems with abandonment too. There was a boy in middle school who used my emotions for him to get me to do his schoolwork for him. For as far back as i remember, I've been drawn towards people who didnt give me the time of day. When I am pursuing someone, it's typical for me to feel insecure about them. Until earlier today, I assumed that insecurity had to be part of love. I then read a website that described people they called "abandonholics". A lot of it struck a chord with me personally. I feel like I'm nobody without her, and that the only reason I stay alive some days is the hope that she will eventually decide to take me back, despite the fact that I know logically that it won't happen. My mother is mentally ill. She has borderline personality disorder, and while I love her to death, I think that she may have hurt me occasionally when I was younger. I have a recurring memory, that the last time it continuously popped up, I was so upset that I harmed myself. I wonder whether my abandonment problems partially may date back to the way I was treated when I was young.
Regardless of the reasons, I cant get over her. I've tried so much, and I honestly think this goes beyond simply being in love with her. Although I most definitely am, I think that this may have some psychological reasons, that's why I am currently looking into this concept of "abandonholics".
The website that coins the term sells workbooks to help people through abandonment problems, but I cant afford any. So what can I do to work through this on my own?
Any suggestions would help.
I forgot to mention that I am working intensively with my therapist. Since she asked out a young man in my social group, I had become more depressed, and they realised I was suicidal, and they now have me going to therapy twice a week. But it currently isnt enough. I need to be able to work on this every day because I'm still in crisis mode.
Answer by Lady Oblivion
I don't know if your seeing a counselor or not, but your aren't then it would really help. They may seem scary but in the long run they do care about you and want to help you through your problems.
I have been going to a place called Innate Wisdom for my self harming tendencies. They help you by subconsciously changing the way you may perceive things. In my case they are trying to show me that I don't need to cut to make myself feel better. It has really helped me a lot over the past years and I think it would be good for you as well.
You can also go on chat rooms about 'abandonholics' and talk to people there about what they're doing to get through it and there will also be people who have worked through it already and are helping other to do the same.
Good luck to you:)
Answer by Jerry
Firmly resolve now to stop thinking about the person involved. Make yourself exercise, and go out, even if you don't enjoy it, at first: it will provide one way of stopping you from thinking about your present life situation. Understand that memories fade, with the passing of time, and ask yourself where you will be in 5 years time, and 10. Most people go through similar things, though not to the same extent, and it's common for many relationships to begin, and end, especially when younger. Use the following: Technique for Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind. Having identified and labelled it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!"
You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. It's a good idea to only emotionally invest in a relationship, according to its length of time, and the degree of commitment from BOTH of the people involved. Express your feelings in a letter, and either post it, unaddressed, or have a ceremony, and burn it safely in a metal container, and flush the ashes down the toilet, symbolically ending the relationship, which has zero potential for anything, except causing you further distress. Give time a chance to heal, then open yourself to the possibility of a relationship with someone new. At: http://www.2knowmyself.com you may want to try: "How to get over someone" (top left hand side), or possibly even: http://www.2knowmyself.com/relationship_…
You could try your bookstore, library database, or the searchbar at http://www.amazon.com for: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down by Kristina de la Cal & When It's Over : How to Mend that Broken Heart by Darren G. Burton. Most people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are on the webpage on the subject, at: http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_6.html and see page 1, about self esteem. NeuroLinguistic Programming is another option. Go out with a few more girls, then see how you feel.
Answer by AH
You can't work through suicidal problems alone. In mental health, "suicidal" is as big as it gets. Its equivalent to a heart attack in somatic (or physical) medicine. It requires proper treatment by a professional, ASAP. You say that your anxiety and depression are treated, but I'm wondering about this. Your post sounds like it may not be.
My advice is to be honest with your therapist. Tell them exactly how you're feeling. If you don't think you can tell them the truth, its time for a new therapist and FAST. Look in the phone book, on Yelp, call your insurance company (or look on their website) or talk to someone at school.
If you've been with this therapist for a while and you don't think that its helping, maybe you should get a second opinion. I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor with training in mental health. They can prescribe medicine that might help.
If you feel suicidal, call (800) 273-TALK. Counselors will be able to help you there.
Answer by D.D
you want to know what you can do to workon this yourself......and i know the perfect healing method you can start right now, because the founder of it gives the basic method for free..........so go to the site below, read the manual , down load it before march when he retires, and you can begin tonight......just get a school subject notebook and write down everything concerning you beginning with everything you have said here.......and EFT it all down to zero, the manual explains everything......
now all you have to do is do it........it removes the negative right away.....
then just use it on everything else , since birth, even if it is hundreds of things, and then clear yourself everynight before bed with it........
yuou can also hire a therapist to help over the phone if you need it
Orignal From: Reposting this in mental health... Self esteem and abandonment issues making me suicidal.?
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